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The Joy of Tech Support

As most IT pros know, when calling a vendor's technical support line, you may just encounter the inanely stupid.

by Kevin Kohut

4/10/2002 -- So, you consider yourself an IT professional, someone who has all the answers and is able to solve even the most complex networking or system problem. Welcome to the club! We techies pride ourselves on our ability to fix things IT and to get our users back on the happy road of successful computing. But the true IT professional also knows that you can't always go it alone -- sometimes you need to call the dreaded technical support

Ah, the love-hate relationship we have with the various tech support organizations we must deal with. We know we need the answers that often only they can provide, yet we dread the hassles that almost always accompany any tech support call. So read on, my faithful techie compatriots, and commiserate with me as I share some shocking but true stories culled from my many encounters with tech support.

What Model Was That Again?
I was installing an external SCSI CD burner for a client -- this was back a few years, before CD burners became another plug 'n' play ubiquitous peripheral. It just refused to work. In fact, I was called in because none of the regular installation techs from the company I was working for were able to get it working. They actually pulled me off of a huge migration project to deal with this problem.

I called the manufacturer's tech support department.

Auto Attendant: "Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your satisfaction is our goal. We strive to provide the utmost in customer care and service. This call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes. Our menu items have recently changed, so please listen to all the following options before making your selection. Thank you. Press 1 for replacement CDs or user manuals. Press 2 to order replacement parts. Press 3 for the temperature of our warehouse. Press 4 for tech support."

I press 4.

AA: "Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your satisfaction is our goal. We strive to provide the utmost in customer care and service. This call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes. Our menu items have recently changed, so please listen to all the following options before making your selection. Thank you. Press 1 for printers. Press 2 for closet organizers. Press 3 for CD burners. Press-"

I press 3, but nothing happens. I guess I have to wait until all the choices are listed. I press 3 again. This time it works.

AA: "Thank you for calling Tech Support. Your satisfaction is our goal. We strive to provide the utmost in customer care and service. This call may be recorded for quality assurance purposes. Our menu items have recently changed, so please listen to all the following options before making your selection. Thank you. Press 1 for model numbers that begin with S. Press 2 for model numbers that begin with Q. Press 3 if you don't know what model number you have."

I press 1.

AA: "Please enter the numerical portion of your model number, followed by the pound sign."

I follow directions.

AA: "Thank you. A technical support agent will be with you shortly."

Annoying music. More annoying music. Still more annoying music. I'm almost asleep at this point.

Tech Support: "Hello, this is Tom with Tech Support. Can I please get the type of peripheral and the model number?"

Know the Difference Between Business and Consumer?

Tech Support: "Thank you for calling support. How may I help you?"

Me: "Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm calling from XYZ corp. We're one of your BUSINESS DSL subscribers. It appears that one of your routers is down. Can you please verify this and correct as required?"

TS: "Sure. But first, what operating system are you using?"

Me: "You need to know what OS I am running in order to check one of your routers?! This is a BUSINESS. Our whole corporate network is connected to our BUSINESS DSL line. Can you please check your router?"

TS: "I need to know what OS you are running first!"

Me: "OK, let's see. Windows 2000 Server, Windows 2000 Professional, Windows 98, Mac OS 9, Red Hat Linux 7.1. Here at this BUSINESS we run several OSs. Now can you check your router?"

TS: "Sir, can you please tell me just one operating system-the one that is running on the computer connected to the DSL line."

Me: "Fine. Windows 2000 Server."

TS: "We don't support software issues on Windows 2000 Server. I won't be able to help you."

I hung up at this point. When I called back, I chose the option to speak with sales, instead of tech support. I told the sales rep that we would be canceling our service unless the router problem was fixed. He hooked me up with someone who didn't care what OS I was running, and sure enough, they had a bad port on one of their routers!

Don't Tell Me How To Do My Job!
Another DSL problem, this time with a different provider.

Tech Support: "Thank you for calling. How may I help you?"

Me: "Our DSL speed has been way too slow for over two days now. I've run several speed tests, and it appears that our circuit is not provisioned correctly on your DSLAM."

TS: "What's a DSLAM? Is that the kind of DSL modem you have? We don't support that type."

Me: "Well, the DSLAM is what our DSL line connects to in your Central Office. Perhaps I should be talking to someone else, maybe someone who knows a little more about the way your DSL network actually works."

TS: "Thank you, sir. I can help you with that. Please be patient sir while I get more information in this."

More of that annoying music.

TS: "Sir, we'll need to send a technician out to your office to test your DSLAM. What time tomorrow would be good?"

I tried to explain, again, that a DSLAM was located at their office, and that all they needed to do was take a peek at our configuration to verify what speed we were configured for. But, no luck. So we waited for this technician to arrive the next day.

Of course, he never came. So I called support again, and this time the person knew what a DSLAM was, but still wouldn't check the configuration. She promised to call me back in an hour or so after she did more research on the issue.

An hour and a half later, having not heard back from anyone, I called back. I couldn't reach the rep I had talked with before, but the person I did reach offered to help me.

Tech Support: "I see the notes on your issue, sir. It looks like we need to verify that our DSLAM is configured correctly. Just a moment, this won't take but a minute&.OK, I'm back. It was mis-configured. I fixed it, you should be fine now."

Share Your Experience!
I'd love to hear your tech support stories -- post them below. And if you happen to be working in a tech support position, I'd love to hear your comments as well. Just make sure to mention the model number in all correspondence!

Kevin Kohut has been involved with information technology in some form or another for over 18 years, and has a strong business management background as well. As a computer consultant Kevin has helped both small businesses and large corporations realize the benefits of applying technology to their business needs.

More articles by Kevin Kohut:

My 5 Favorite Recent IT Innovations

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There are 47 user Comments for “The Joy of Tech Support”
Page 3 of 5
4/19/02: TLK says:	As an application vendor, I understand the frustration from BOTH sides. Often I must call tech support and often I must play tech support to our customers. Generally, lack of understanding plays a leading role in our communications. While I dread to call tech support for fear of speaking with a "newbie" of any sort, I also dread the customer who insists I fix THEIR infrastructure / firewall / network / security / hardware / training / user issues. Heaven forbid if I am not familiar with every OS, every version, every configuration, every application, and every bit of hardware ever manufactured. That pig farm is looking mighty inviting.
4/22/02: Shidoshi says:	What do you think of PB's famous solution to EVERY problem you have with their computers: "Sir, if you just put out emergency floppy disk in the floppy-drive, and use our Master CD, it will format your PC and recover everything. Good luck"
4/22/02: Rich says:	Tech support is seen by manufacturers more as a COST than a SERVICE, a cost which must be kept as low as possible. Outsourcing is the usual and cheapest option . Contracts are made with call centers , usually based on service level and talk time. Quality usually is sought after in a very indirect way , when its lack starts costing money to the manufacturer or the call center. My advise is : just be polite to the support agent, it pays off...
4/26/02: Anonymous says:	I worked in Tech Support at several companies and unfortunately all the above statements are fairly accurate. It is a combination of companies not spending the money to properly train people, support seen as a cost rather than a necessary part of your business, putting people on the phone before they are ready to take calls, etc. Helpdesk companies tend to brag about stats such as Average Time to Answer a call and Call Volume but rarely solicit the opinions of the customers that have to deal with support (assuming they even want to know if there is a problem). Training does suck at a lot of companies. And it is a crap shoot. I'm a fairly technical person and I have been on the receiving end of people who contacted support, spoke with a co-worker, the co-worker gave them an incomplete or bad answer to the problem, they call back, speak with me, complain, I fix the problem and then they tell me how much better of a response they got from me than the other people I work with. Here is the dirty little secret of the HelpDesk industry: Essentially the only experience a person usually has to help troubleshoot a problem is the experience they gained (if any) before they got hired since training is skimped on. What typically happens is the person may learn how to "sort of" troubleshoot problems from team members but never receive official training. This accounts for why you get a different answer to the same problem depending on who you talk with that day. The other knowledge they may pick is based on their own initiative not necessarily a formalized training program. I read a lot of technical books and did other things outside of a normal work environment to learn things that helped me be a better troubleshooter because the training wasn't available at my company.
4/27/02: babalou says:	Thank God I am not the only one. I really hate when I am telling the support guy what to do and what to look for. I called them! One recent example was with Verizon ( I know...). It took three hours for me to convince them to dial into the CO and reset the circuit. My client could not connect using their PPPoE DSL after a long time without any problems. I had the client (former CEO home PC) try a few things like disabling the firewall, etc. They in turn called IBM and Verizon and was on the phone for three hours each! Verizon convinced him to reinstall Win98SE. When I finally got there the client told me that Verizon said there was an issue with having multiple devices sharing the same IRQ- guess the tech never heard of PCI steering. Idiot! My problem was that the Verizon tech insisted on my client reinstall the op sys. Not good. When I called and explained the problem with getting disconnected from the remote computer, they had me jump through hoops. I told them that I was able to get an IP Address one time bu the gateway was itself. After the third time calling, I told them to check the CO. They insisted it was the NIC. It is sadthat I had to be arrogant and say that I "kind of knew" about networks, considering I have my MCSE 4.0/2000, CSSA, SCSE, SCDI, CP-DIC, CM-DIC, CNA, A+. I should not have to push that to them. Unfortunately, If I did not I would probably still be on support. It is like, "yes, I am also seeing that option to fix it on page 75 of the troubleshooting guide. Any "out of the box" suggestions?" Of course not. Bump me up to 2nd level. Very frustrating, indeed. I do have to say that some of the first level really try and have taken the time to try to solve the problem, especially at night when they have nothing else to do. I have acutually told them some things to try to help them with their home systems, etc. I am just complaining with those certain few. Thanks.
4/27/02: edgar says:	unfortunatelly this is reality, you think PB cares if your system gets reformatted every time you call, course not. My policy is if you give poor tech support to customers, believe me I will let at least 100 people know about your crappy product and your crappy company. But if your product and support is good, I will praise your company and recommend it where ever I go. I don't think there is a perfect company, but like someone said out of 50 helpdesk people 10 of these individuals knows what they're doing. so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt for about the first 3 minutes, if I see that all they're talking is BS, then I just call back till I get one that knows what the hell they're talking about. I called a very reputable company for support one time the tech could no figure it out and told me that he was the smartest tech there and that if he couldn't figure it out then most likely it couldn't be fixed, after an hour of trying laim attempts to fix it, he said he would have to escalate the problem, I asked him to whom to Mr. hewlett?, anyway I called back and got someone who knew something and whithin 5 minutes we got it resolved, ever since then I know when I'm talking to a $10 and hour MORON that doesn't know the difference between his head and his A.., or if I'm talking to someone who knows his stuff.
4/27/02: Lovejoy says:	We just started our own companies' internal Help Desk, and I see it "dumbing down" just like the above examples. My external help desk experience is like Edgar's above: Either they're dumb as they come, or they know their stuff. Please companies, hire knowledgable people!! Thank you in advance!!
4/28/02: joaopiko says:	It's the "cheap labor syndrome" once again stupid! I remember working help desk for a company that literally dragged people off the streets and turned them into “helpless deskbottom” technicians overnight. Qualifications or experience was a non-issue. One “champion tech” mastered the ability to dispatch calls at the breakneck speed of 3min per call whatever the issue. “Ma’am…your computer is too hot….shut it down and wait for 20 minutes……when you re-start it you will be able to connect to the internet!” Such techs were rewarded with gift vouchers for exceptionally low call times. On the other hand more experienced techs were penalized for spending extra time to solve issues satisfactorily.
4/28/02: indyjeep says:	I've worked on a call center for 6 months and I wish I could say I understand and empathize with your frustrations. In some cases I honestly believe that the service/equipment that I support is the cause of the problem and you know what..I'll tell you that and try to give the the best option to get it fixed. However, 90% of the calls received are for user error. Barring drastic system failure, if you follow my(our) directions to the letter your system will work the first time and everytime..unless you go and change things thinking you'll make things run faster. The problem lies where you think you know more than the person you are calling for support. I admit that sometimes this may be true. I sound arrogant and that's tough but it's the truth. You must realize that you are talking to phone support. No, we can't see what's on your screen and if you give us false or incomplete information you are probably not going to get your problem solved. When I install your cable modem and it's up and running and you call me the next day because it's not working and don't tell me until the end of the call that you tried to reinstall the drivers yourself or remove them from the registry or when we installed the modem yesterday you had all 7 other USB devices unplugged..then you know what, I'm going to look like the idiot..and that's ok..I can deal with that..but you know what..your equipment or service is still down and will be until you start to give full information and admit that you need help. Suck it up and admit your mistakes or that you need help. Most technical support people are very understanding and barring strict call center rules as far as call times and productivity or a bad seed tech we will bend over backwards to help you. We want to fix the problem the first time. It is in our nature to want to do so. We don't get a kick out of thinking we know it all. If you get a tech that is rude to you which is not uncommon you can always request a supervisor or another technician. We can't help this. There are always people who are less than adequate in every job field. The unfortunate thing about tech support is that we are usually the last resort instead of the first step. You are already frustrated and you know it is not going to work but you don't have any other option. I don't ask for sympathy since I really don't offer sympathy for most end users but what I ask for is honesty. If you think I'm doing a terrible job or that I can't fix it then don't call or tell me. If you are calling to complain you are talking to the wrong person. I don't build the device or run the servers. I support them.
4/28/02: ruthven78 says:	I've found that I will spend every waking hour I can trying to fix something before calling tech support. That includes learning enough about the product to become certified in it. My most horrible story drafts from Qwest tech support. I had DSL services installed when Qwest first began offering it. I got a very friendly and knowledgable tech when I first called. I never needed to call tech support until I needed to change ISPs...took over 45 days and a call to the WUTC to get that straightened out. Then I tried moving my service to a knew location..the CSR never told me a setup fee would be charged and I got the usual two week ETA for the connection. Two weeks came, no service, I called. Oh Im sorry MR Baker someone forgot to put in your order...its going to be another two weeks. Another two weeks came, no service, I called. Hmm Mr Baker everyone seems to be on let me transfer you to tech support. Hello mr Baker Im your-tech-guru how can i help you? blah blah blah...What type of modem do you have (cisco 675)...ok mr baker have you reset your modem? yes. Have you installed the filters...questions go on and on. Hmm we may need to reprogram your modem (we repogram)...twenty minutes later it still doesnt work. Hmm Mr Baker let me confirm that the switch is in fact on.....on hold for 15 minutes....well mr baker I was informed by the CO that your modem wont support the line your on. At your old location you were on a CAP line and now your on a DMT line. You need to buy a new modem, the cisco 678...it will cost $299..... Lets just say im using cable now.....
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